When sorry seems to be the hardest word

Just two words.... two words that can make the difference that makes the difference in all our relationships.  Why can they sometimes be so difficult to say with real meaning?

I call one of the reasons the "unitary perspective".

What does this mean?

Well, quite literally that we choose to only see a particular issue from one perspective.... our own!

We may listen to our partner (well, "pretend" listen anyway), we may even say "sorry", but rather like the child who apologises because the parent demands it, our hearts and therefore our attitudes and behaviours lie pretty much untouched.

So when we with an angry and somewhat hurt tone say "I've said I'm sorry" and wonder why that doesn't make everything all right.... well, that's why.

So how can we free ourselves from the unitary perspective and learn to apologise from the heart?

Step One:
First of all we need to abandon our "right" to be "right", to consciously and deliberately choose to step outside of our own understanding and to be willing to "empty" ourselves of pre-conceptions and judgements.

Okay so step one is going to need some practice!

Imagine you are playing on a beach with a coloured beach ball.  As the ball comes flying toward you all you can see is blue and yellow stripes.  If you insist that the ball is in fact blue and yellow you will miss the more complete truth that you would see if you turned the ball around.  If you turn the ball around you will see it is also green and orange.

We live in a world of multi coloured beach balls!

Once we've turned the ball around we are ready for step two.

Step Two:
Secondly we need to "listen from the heart" to our partner's perspective.

Sounds a bit fluffy?

Actually its a hard-fast determination to understand another.  To see the colours of the beach ball as they do.

It is only when we genuinely understand the pain and hurt of another, that we can make a genuine apology 

It is only when we make a genuine apology that the aggrieved person can be free enough to forgive

Sorry really is the hardest word because it requires us to do some of the hardest work we ever do, abandon our beloved unitary perspective and whole heartedly embrace the perspective of another without condition.